How to Heal From Codependency and Repair Relationships

How to heal from codependency and repair relationships

Relationships are complex enough without the added complications of addiction and codependency. Loving a person who is fighting an active addiction is heartbreaking and exhausting. You may find yourself having an entire spectrum of emotions as the person you love  fights their addiction. You may feel like you are on the most extended road trip with multiple forks in the road but no map to guide you. Relationships with addiction are a breeding ground for unhealthy behaviors like codependency. Once the person you love finds their way to recovery, you’ll be left wondering how to heal from the codependency. At The Last House, we understand the strained relationships associated with addiction, and we can help your family heal the wounds created during active addiction.

How to Heal From Codependency as the Parent

As the parent of an addict, your child’s addiction may have taken over your life. Trying to save a loved one from active addiction can be all-consuming, especially your child. You want to protect your children from harm. Additionally, you’ve probably spent a lot of energy and effort trying to help them avoid the consequences of their addiction in an attempt to preserve their future. Finally, you likely have some level of resentment related to any manipulation that occurred during your child’s active addiction. One of the most important things to realize is that your child has responsibility for healing their addiction; it is not your role to save them. Any addict, no matter the age, must want to recover for any help received to be effective. Still, it’s hard to know where the boundaries are or how to create them.  Fortunately, you will find that you are not alone.  Peer support groups such as Al-Anon will provide you with the space and the tools to heal from codependency. Likewise, family and individual therapy will help you in your journey of healing. 

How to Heal From Codependency as the Recovering Addict

Nearly every person in recovery can look back at their active addiction and realize the number of times they manipulated, used, or lied to their loved ones. When you are active in your addiction, your focus is on using, and everything else becomes superfluous. Sadly, this only gets worse as you get deeper into your addiction, and you may not even remember all of the specifics of what you have done. Part of the recovery journey is to heal the relationships in your life. Sometimes this is done by creating healthier relationships, and sometimes this is done by ending relationships.  Working with a therapist and attending peer support recovery groups can help you to determine what steps are needed in your life. One of the basic tenets of recovery is to keep your side of the street clean, which simply means that you can only be responsible for your own behavior. Understanding this is critical for you to heal from codependency. If your parents have been rescuing you, saving you from consequences, and bearing the brunt of your addictive behavior, you have an opportunity in recovery to change those patterns. Being in recovery is about taking personal responsibility for your actions and your emotions. 

Sober Living at The Last House

The Last House Sober Living is a network of structured sober living homes in southern California. We believe in providing our clients with the tools to have a meaningful life filled with healthier relationships.  We’ll help you learn how to live and have fun in sobriety through service commitments, sober parties, conventions, dances, and house outings.  Our experienced staff is composed of active members of the Los Angeles Sober Living community. If you’re wondering where to start to create your sober life, The Last House is here to help. 

What Does It Mean to Relapse? Signs to Look Out for In Your Loved One

Drug and Alcohol addiction relapse rehabilitation treatment program

It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love struggle with active addiction. It’s also hard to know how to best support them through early sobriety and long-term recovery.  When your loved one is in early sobriety, you will hear a lot of talk about relapse and relapse prevention. But what does it mean to relapse? Relapsing involves picking back up drugs, alcohol, or both after having gotten sober. Relapse can happen at any time in sobriety, and that’s why relapse prevention is critical. The Last House is here to help with relapse prevention and support your loved one as they create their sober life.

What Is a Relapse?

While relapse occurs when someone starts using drugs or alcohol again, most will admit that the relapse began in their minds long before the use began. So what is a relapse? Is it the taking of any substance or just the drug of choice? The answer is it depends. There are those within the recovery community that adheres to a rigid set of standards for sobriety. The ones in this camp believe that the taking of any mind-altering substance equals relapse. Others believe that avoiding the drug of choice while taking other substances is acceptable. Finally, some strike a balance and feel that substances prescribed by a doctor do not constitute a relapse if the medication is taken exactly as prescribed. 

What defines a relapse is personal. What’s more important to know is that relapses, when they happen, are not a reason for shame and do not have to last long. While relapsing can be dangerous depending on the drug used, it can also be educational. Relapsing does not eliminate the work that has been done in sobriety. Instead, a relapse should be examined for the lessons that can be used going forward. 

Who Is Vulnerable to Relapse?

To some extent, everyone who is in recovery is vulnerable to relapse. Addiction is not a disease that vanishes. While it often gets easier over time, long-term sobriety still requires work. To reduce the risk of relapse in early sobriety, some basics help, including: 

  • Making choices that support physical and emotional well-being
  • Having a stable and safe place to live
  • Engaging in meaningful daily activities
  • Building supportive relationships and social networks

Those in sobriety must also learn to identify and recognize their triggers. Developing a plan to address triggers, stress, and other life events is critical to long-term sobriety. 

Relapse Warning Signs to Look Out for in My Loved One

It can be challenging to recognize a relapse, especially in early recovery. Many in early recovery are more emotional and moody simply because they are not using. It is not uncommon for those in early recovery to have some bouts of anger or to cry during the first several months.  Recovery is not linear, and each month will bring new challenges to face. However, the signs of relapse will often be similar to the signs that your loved one was using in the first place. Moodiness may be expected, but slurred words, pinpoint pupils, and marked personality changes are not. As with many things, you have to keep the lines of communication open and trust your gut. 

Live Sober With the Help of The Last House

The Last House Sober Living is a network of sober living homes in the heart of West Los Angeles. We believe in providing our clients with the tools to have a meaningful life, participate in their sobriety, and avoid relapse.  Activities such as service commitments, sober parties, conventions, dances, and house outings are all a part of helping you learn how to have fun in sobriety.  If you’re wondering where to start to create your sober life, The Last House is here to help. 

Mason M’s Success Story

Mason M

My behaviors, outlooks, and attitudes have had a complete 180-degree shift. When I entered
this house I can remember thinking that I will do what I need to in order to just get through it
and viewed this situation as something that was pretty terrible. Yet, as time went on and as I
grew to not look at this house as something that I had to do, but more as something that I got
to do and had the privilege of being here, that’s when it all started to shift for me. I did not
approach each and every day as something I was fed up with and really tried to be more
optimistic, because if you wake up every day telling yourself this is going to suck, the chances of
that being the case are extremely high. This house has taught me that accountability is one of,
if not the most important thing in sobriety, and it is not so much about holding others to that
like we do in this house, but more about holding yourself accountable and being able to say “I
messed up” and then going out to make it right. Just because we get sober does not mean that
all is going to be well and good at all times and sometimes you are going to hear things that you
do not want to and now you have to deal with it in a sober frame of mind rather than running
and hiding from controversy. We learn to deal with it like men and not try to skate around
everything and use it which inevitably only makes matters worse. I have really begun to
do every single thing with much more effort and authenticity and this was not me when I was
drinking. Anything moderate or decent was okay with me and even then it was below average
because my standards were not very high. However, now with all of the work that I have put in
and that I will need to continue to put in, it has shifted to where I want to try to make every
single thing that I do superior and to the best of my ability! My attitude about life, in general,
has really transformed from a pessimistic outlook to an optimistic one and I try to attack each
and every day as if I am on “borrowed time” because when I was found in my apartment prior
to coming here – I had pancreatitis and bottles lying about everywhere; I was on the brink of
doing some irreversible damage and possibly even death. Life is very precious and I ultimately
the only reason that I have one is that I do not have a bottle in my hand or and I have a
lifestyle that was been given to me with the help of this house.