I think the most important change in my outlook since getting to The Last House is, I now see that sobriety is possible for me. When I came in, I had relapsed yet again (I was only out for one day), and all of the misery I was so used to came back instantly. I was able to take some responsibility, but for the most part I was convinced the problem was my mom, first, and the world, second, and then me third. I had never held a job and I had never been sober for longer than 5 months. I didn’t know how to be consistent and I would rely on my mom sending me to treatment again once my relapses stopped being fun. I said what I wanted and did what I wanted. I quickly learned from the groups at The Last House that my actions affected people and thus one of the first changes was learning to be considerate.
It took a while for me to fully see what was happening, but I got a glimpse of it when my mom offered to fly me back to Denver and I declined. Around 4 months in The Last House was when it clicked for me. Most of the guys know that I received a call that my mom had taken her own life. Instead of retreating and self-destructing, I leaned on the guys. I got up, and did the things suggested to me (at times because I did not want to receive words for sleeping in). The house showed me what I am actually capable of doing because no one let me do much less. As time went on, I got a job, then two jobs, and found I was able to handle all of my responsibilities. A few years prior I was in a basement covered in trash and starring at months-old piles of laundry – changing my clothes weekly or so because even a shower was too much work.
Yet, now, I can handle things and for the first time in my life I feel pretty good a majority of the time. I currently have two jobs, two sponsees, and a life I love today! I wouldn’t have it without the 12 steps, and I wouldn’t have worked the steps unless I came to The Last House.
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