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If you told me 9 years ago that my life would be where it is today, I would have sworn you were crazy.  I had fully embraced the life of a drug addict, and resigned myself to a certain future of jails, institutions or death.  Nothing anyone said or did was going to change that. I’d already been through multiple arrests, probations, periods of incarceration, treatment episodes, failed relationships, loss of things I had once held dear.  It didn’t matter. I was going to do what I did, and saw no alternative for myself.

Even coming into my last run at treatment, I did not necessarily want to be sober.  The 2 choices were either rehab or jail, so I chose rehab. But I was not looking to be “sober”.  I didn’t even know what that truly meant, let alone imagine a life completely free of drugs and alcohol.  I knew that heroin was a problem in my life, that crack was a problem in my life.  But completely free of all drugs? AND alcohol?  That concept seemed so foreign, so utterly unattainable, that my mind could not come close to fathoming the gravity of what it actually entailed.  

Luckily, I landed at a place that was willing to take the time to teach me the true meaning of recovery.  Getting clean was the easy part, they told me, staying clean was the real challenge.  ‘But my problem is with drugs! Take drugs out of the equation and I’m going to be superman!’ I was under the impression that once I stopped using, all of the great talents I once had back before my active addiction would suddenly reappear in spades, and my life would go back to the way it used to be.  Not so fast, they said.  They reminded me that I had developed a lot of bad habits over my years of using, like laziness, dishonesty, cutting corners, poor diet, basically most every habit of unhealthy living.  Plus, I had problems before drugs even entered the equation. “The reason you started using drugs wasn’t because you had a problem with drugs, was it?” No, I suppose that wouldn’t really make sense.  But why, then?

After about a month, I physically felt 10x better.  The withdrawal sickness had passed, my skin had changed back from a pale grey to a more human looking shade, and I was able to engage in coherent conversation.  I had started working out, brushing my teeth and showering, and no longer floated through my day sporting a blank, empty stare. If someone were to have a 10 minute conversation with me, they would have no way of knowing I was a long term professional drug addict, that had lied to, cheated on, and stole from just about anyone who would let me close enough to do so.  From the outside, things looked great. But just below the surface, I was still a mess.

Over the years, I had developed a nasty habit of procrastination.  Guess what happened when the drugs were removed from my life? That’s right. I still procrastinated!  Procrastinated on my house chores, getting a sponsor, calling my sponsor, doing my step work, working out, eating healthy, setting appointments, returning calls, everything.  I would do it “tomorrow”, or “later”, just “not right now”, even though I usually wasn’t very busy. That procrastination led to dishonesty, and I had every excuse you could imagine locked and loaded at all times, ready to fire on anyone who would question my process.  This in turn led to anxiety, that either I would not complete what needed to be done, or that my lie would be found out. After the anxiety came depression, as I felt sorry for myself that my life had come to this, even though it was of my own making. I did not voice any of this of course, just told people to leave me alone.  Thankfully, they did not! They taught me about suiting up and showing up each day, handling my responsibilities as they arose, doing a thorough job at whatever I did, and how all of these things would actually help alleviate many of the root causes of my fear, anxiety and depression. This all didn’t happen overnight, but rather was basically an extended control study, where over time I began to notice the differences in how I felt and was actually able to correlate it with how I handled life.  Personally, this was one of the biggest revelations in my recovery process.

My other biggest issue I still seemed to run into after getting clean was my inability to take responsibility.  It was someone else’s fault that I started using, someone else’s fault when relationships ended, someone else’s fault that I got arrested, someone else was the cause of my depression, my anger, my anxiety, etc. etc.  The world and the people in it were doing all of this to me, and I was just an innocent bystander/victim of circumstance.  Over the years, this type of ‘me against the world’ mentality had served a purpose in my life, as it allowed me to avoid taking an honest look at myself that would require change. Change was hard, and I wanted no part of it.  Besides, you were the problem, not me! But it was keeping me mentally sick they told me, and until I was able to own my part, I would remain a prisoner of my thoughts and my resentments.  Day after day, week after week, my perception surrounding the circumstances in my life were challenged by the staff, and also by my peers. It was tough to hear, but gradually I began to see that maybe there was some truth to what they were saying.  The more I understood about it all, the more hard truths I was able to own, and the more free I felt. No longer was everyone else merely doing things to me, I actually had a say in the results. I was regaining control over my life!

Looking back at it, the truth is I may have arrived at these conclusions all on my own. I may have naturally overcame my clouded perspective and dishonesty.  I might gotten a sponsor.  I theoretically could have called him every day.  I speculatively may have decided to work the steps. I possibly would have stopped procrastinating, and there’s a chance I would have attended AA meetings daily.  Maybe it would be this run at sobriety? The next one? The 6^th one 2 years down the line? Maybe. But when looking at all the evidence, the magic 8 ball reads as ‘doubtful’.  And with the way I was living, I didn’t have time to experiment with MY version of recovery. I was on a fast path to either imprisonment or death, and every day of being left up to my own devices was a gamble I couldn’t afford to take.  I’m eternally grateful for the path I was shown, and my belief in the effectiveness of structured sober living is exactly why I’m doing what I am today!

I am what one could call a chronic relapser.  I first started trying to get sober in 2003 back in Canton Ohio.  I’ve made about every mistake one can make on my path to sobriety.  In the beginning, I knew that I wanted to stop drinking and using drugs but I wasn’t ready to put the work into it.  In Ohio, most of the people in AA were way older than me. I was around 23 at the time and these people were easily over 40. There wasn’t a lot of people my age trying to get sober and I felt like maybe I was too young to stop drinking.  I separated myself from them and had a hard time relating. I was focusing on the differences rather than the similarities. Drugs and alcohol were tearing my life apart but I also felt like there was a lot of “good times” that I was missing out on.  My drinking progressed to pills and then eventually heroin. To make matters worse I had a 4 -year- old daughter that I wasn’t showing up for and I couldn’t hold down a job. This would start a 14- year cycle of sobriety, treatment and relapse repeatedly.  The worst times of my life were still to come. It’s hard to put into words just how worthless I felt being addicted to drugs. I hated what I was doing to myself, my family and my friends. I wanted to stop and just live a normal life but I couldn’t and the years were starting to slowly slip away.    

      There were times that I put together some spotty sobriety and was sober continuously sober from 2011-2014.  I was working in treatment in west Hollywood and thought that I had finally had this thing beat. I was wrong and relapsed again.  This time I stayed out for a few years I ended up losing everything. My job, my car and my apartment. Most of all I was losing the support of my family.  After years of having their hopes raised and then crushed again they were starting to lose hope that I would ever get this thing. I couldn’t blame them.

    I came into The Last House sober living in July of 2017 and I was in bad shape.  I walked in with a little bag which had 2 pairs of jeans, one sock and two T-shirts.  That’s all I had left. I didn’t even really want to get sober again but I knew that I couldn’t keep living the way that I was.  I knew my life wouldn’t last long and if it did it would be a sad, lonely and painful one. The first thing I noticed was how much younger everyone was than me.  When I got back I had this feeling that life had passed me by. My friends all had jobs, careers and families and I was in sober living again trying to put my life together.  Here I was pushing 40 years old and i felt out of place. When I first started to try, and get sober in 2003 I felt too young. Now, these years had passed and I was feeling too old!!  I realized quickly that this was my disease and it was trying to do anything it could to separate me from these guys so I could build a case to go get loaded again. Good thing I didn’t stay in that mind set for very long!   Being at The Last House, I had plenty of opportunities to share my experience and all the mistakes that I have made in hopes that maybe these guys would hear something and in turn, not make the same ones. This state of mind helped me get out of myself and my head and turn things around.  Being one of the oldest guys in the house I became both an example of what can happen if you don’t get sober for a long time and someone for people to turn to for advice or guidance. I finally had something to offer! Something real and valuable. For the first time in a long time I felt useful.

     I am grateful for the experience that I’ve had this time around and with this house and the guys here.  I have built a lot of solid, long lasting relationships with them and I know that they have my back just like they know I have theirs.  There is never a perfect age to get sober. For some reason, I just couldn’t do it when I was younger. I’m not sure why. All I know is that it didn’t happen.  It is happening now and all those experiences were necessary for me to be where I am. I have learned over the last year how to connect with people and find common ground no matter how old they are. There is a bond that forms when one is around people who have a common past and common goals for the future, a brotherhood, and I have found that here.  

-Mike J.

I’m originally from Des Moines, IA which is the largest city in Iowa at roughly 200,000 people. This is where I grew up and when through high school and partially through college as well. I had tried getting sober back home multiple times whether it was to get my family off my back, to have a place to stay, or because the law required that I go to treatment to satisfy charges I had received. I went to several meetings across Des Moines, but I never felt like it was for me. I also was only doing it for a reason other than for myself. I went to jail time and time again, but as soon as I was given freedom, I was right back where I started even though I would swear off completely while behind bars. My family wouldn’t allow me to stay at their house anymore, so instead, I would find somewhere else to stay temporarily or sometimes I would even sleep at work. Even though my life was falling apart both externally and internally, I continued down this dreadful path. One day, my parents called to say they would give my one last chance and send me to a place in Los Angeles. I had been to California before to try to get sober but I eventually manipulated my way back to Iowa by buying a plane ticket home and doing it all behind my parents back. I told them I was coming home for a visit but instead packed up everything, thinking I would never return. Getting sober in Los Angeles is a lot different than Iowa. The meetings in Iowa were full of grumpy old timers who only complained about their crummy lives. I think that partially turned me off to the rooms. In LA, the rooms of AA are full of a much younger crowd and there are a wide variety of meetings to go to. When I landed at LAX, I was mainly excited to have a roof over my head and some food to eat. I had honestly accepted that I had caused so much wreckage in my life, that I wouldn’t be able to turn it around. The sober living that I arrived at was The Last House. The name of it was actually fitting considering my parents told me this was my last chance. Although the structure of the house was a little intimidating at first, I realized that what was asked of me day to day wasn’t very hard at all. The most challenging part at my stay, was going through the steps and figuring out how to live a healthy, manageable, internally happy life. I had ups and downs, trials and errors, but I found that’s what life really is. Fear had riddled my life to this point, and anytime I was faced with an obstacle or hardship, I would run. Facing my troubles head on is something I learned not only in the steps, but also at the house hearing feedback from my peers. The Last House is heavily based around unity and camaradery. From revamping my shot on the basketball court to taking trips to Mammoth mountain, I found gratification in things that used to bring me joy. The house also made me feel like I wasn’t the only one who was trying to put my life back together. Another crucial characteristic at the house was that people actually cared. I had been to many outpatients and other sober livings where how they communicated with me felt so fake and in-genuine. Throughout my stay, I learned how to balance everyday life, recovery and work. Once I completed the program, I was offered a job working at the house which I gladly accepted. This allowed me to not only give back, but also to witness significant change in others. One of the biggest gifts of the program was getting my family back. For so many years, I created so much havoc in their lives. Being able to make amends to them and be a part of their lives once again brought me peace of mind. I’m now present when we get together during the holidays and I’m a brother and a son. Today, I am financially self-supporting, I have hobbies that bring me joy, and I have a group of friends who are trudging the same road as I am.

Treating Addiction with DBT

DBT is a form of therapy that helps individuals struggling with addiction and substance abuse develop skills that help them recover and move forward.

Short for Dialectical Behavior Therapy, DBT is a modality used to treat various mental illnesses and disorders. This form of therapy has been particularly useful when treating addiction and substance abuse.

Although it was originally intended to treat personality disorders and severe suicidal thoughts, DBT has expanded and can help just about anyone under intense stress.

Treatment centers and addiction mental health professionals are increasingly using DBT more because its core tenets possess the necessary skills to recover from addiction and substance abuse.

So how does it work?

The goal of DBT is ultimately to improve an individual’s quality of life by changing maladaptive behaviors, negative thoughts and beliefs. Often times those with poor emotional regulation struggle to change these things about themselves and are confronted with conflicting feelings about changing. DBT therapists work to help clients synthesize these conflicting feelings and identify their own strengths, the things that they do have control over and accept the world around them.

DBT is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy as it tries to change thoughts and distorted cognitions. Although these two modalities are similar, DBT has its own components and skills that set it apart. DBT professionals rely on helping clients through individual therapy, phone sessions, group therapy, skills training, and team consultation. Often times, clients will be given homework to work on in between sessions. There are five objectives that guide the therapist and client.

These include:

There are also skills developed within each objective. For example in objective one, mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotion regulation are emphasized. These skills are especially helpful and necessary when treating someone with addiction or substance abuse.

Some examples of Treating Addiction with DBT include:
Fostering relationships with individuals and groups that do not encourage drug or substance use.
Removing triggers such as, unhealthy relationships and actual drugs and substances or paraphernalia.
Building self esteem so that clients feel confident to remain sober after treatment.

DBT can be modified to specifically treat those struggling with addiction and substance abuse. Furthermore, individuals with addiction are often times diagnosed with personality disorders in which DBT was originally intended to treat. DBT is a strong therapy modality to use in many mental health settings and can be especially useful when treating addiction and substance.

The Addicted Brain

The brain of someone addicted to drugs and alcohol differs from someone who is not. We know that those who struggle or struggled with addiction are different physiologically than those who can control their substance use. But what are those differences and what do they look like in the brain?

There is a reason that some individuals can take substances and some cannot without becoming addicted immediately or shortly after. Some brains are just wired for addiction. Genetics plays a big role and those with other addicts in their families can pass along genes that make individuals respond differently to alcohol and drugs.

Scientists and addiction research specialists trace this phenomenon back to how the brain functions with Dopamine.

In a typical brain, dopamine is released during a pleasurable event, like having an orgasm. The brain quickly returns back to a normal equilibrium state once the event is over. However, in the brain of an addict, the dopamine sky rockets and doesn’t return back to an equilibrium. Instead it comes plunging down which puts individuals in all-time low. This is how the cycle of addiction can start. After an addicted individual comes down they feel that they must get that high again because anything is better than the low.

It’s important to note that a genetic predisposition to addiction doesn’t necessarily mean an individual is bound to have one. Addiction can be avoided by pure sobriety or partaking in such activities very minimally. Furthermore, some scientists believe that we are all hard wired for addiction if exposed enough to certain substances.

The Addicted Brain

Biological and genetic disposition is not the sole reason for addiction. It is also the attentional biases associated with the substance use. For example, perhaps when someone drinks it may be rewarding because of the social setting that it occurs in. This attentional bias can enhance the reward receptors even more than just the alcohol alone.

It is also important to note that the brain changes when it is undergoing addiction even if there was not predisposition prior to the addiction.

The following image compares a typical brain to an addicted brain:

What are Get Well Jobs in Addiction Recovery?

Individuals in addiction recovery are usually advised to acquire get well jobs once they are ready to get back into the job force and society. But what does a wellness job even mean and what is the difference between a job and a wellness job?

Individuals in addiction and substance abuse treatment centers are removed from their daily stressors and put into a safe enwevironment where they can heal and learn skills that help them cope without the use of drugs and alcohol.

When someone in recovery is in the process of discharging and stepping back into society things can become overwhelming and shell shocking quickly. Jumping right back into a career or a demanding job can be detrimental to someone’s recovery and may lead to relapse. Addiction specialists and professionals advise that recovering individuals ease back into society by working a job that is not as taxing or rigid. These are get well jobs.

Get well jobs are jobs that don’t require too much of your emotional energy and are flexible enough to work with your recovery program. An example of a wellness job could be working at a coffee shop or a pizza parlor.

Finding a wellness job can be an exciting and positive experience because perhaps this may be the first time an individual has ever worked. However, this can also be difficult for some because often times recovering individuals are eager to support themselves again or get back to their previous career.

Let’s say someone was a CEO of a big company and took time to recover from an addiction at a treatment center. Going to work at a grocery store will most likely be a difficult thing to adjust to since they are not used to jobs like that and perhaps it does not financially support them.

Wellness jobs don’t necessarily mean that you have to work a minimum wage paying or part-time job but it does mean that recovering individuals need to work a job that will be supportive to their recovery.

Wellness jobs should possess the following traits:

• Regular and reasonable work hours
• Routine tasks and requirements
• Proper working conditions
• Clear expectations
• Opportunity for growth
• Flexibility

These traits can exist in a number of jobs. In the previous example of the CEO, that individual could perhaps come up with a way to integrate himself back into his job. Perhaps he could work part time rather than full time and hire an assistant to work side by side with him for extra support.

Addiction treatment centers and mental health professionals can help individuals find wellness jobs through job placement programs or by job counseling. Furthermore, job counseling or guidance can perhaps be found in an AA program and by networking and asking for advice from other people recovery.

Strange addictions are more common than you think. When people think of addiction, they usually imagine drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, or even sex. However, addictions can occur to the most unexpected things like the ingestion of nail polish or air freshener. People can become addicted to behaviors or people or even objects.

Addiction to these strange things works similarly as addiction to drugs and alcohol. When individuals engage in their addictive behavior, such as eating cat food, they get a similar high from such acts like smoking cigarettes.

In reality anyone can become addicted to anything for many reasons. Some of the more common strange addictions include:

Tanning

Plastic surgery

Chewing ice

Hair pulling

Exercise

Social networking

Work

TV

Pica (eating non edible substances)

Wearing costumes all the time

A lot of these addictions sound strange because they are not typically heard of, however these strange addictions are more common than you think.

Causes for these strange addictions are similar to most causes of drug and alcohol addiction. For example, trauma, biology, genes, abuse, etc.  However, some people become addicted to things because of poor nutrition. For instance, some people become addicted to non-edible substances like chalk because they may have a severe mineral or vitamin deficiency.

There are many negative effects that can occur from these strange addictions. For example, eating non-edible things can have profound negative health consequences like gastrointestinal failure. An addiction to tanning could lead to cancer. Addictions to things like costumes or watching tv can be very detrimental to relationships. Furthermore, addictions in general interfere with all aspects of life.

If you know someone that is showing addictive behavior with anything. whether it seems strange or not, please encourage them to seek mental health support right away.  The Last House Sober Living can help with strange addictions!..  Contact Us Today!

The Fun And Adventure Of Spontaneity In Sobriety

To be spontaneous or not to be spontaneous? That is often a perplexing question for men in the early stages of sobriety because spontaneity can be a bit of an enigma. On the one hand, we are learning how to have fun again, fun which doesn’t include the self-destructive abuse of drugs and alcohol. For most men in recovery, the end of their addiction and/or alcoholism wasn’t fun anymore. Physically sick, mentally sick, and spiritually sick, their chemical dependency on mind-altering substances had wiped all the fun from our lives. Yet, our addicted minds tell us another story. Still hopeful for another stimulating dose of dopamine, the brain chemical messenger, called a neurotransmitter, which sends out all messages of pleasure, the addicted mind would have us believe that drugs and alcohol could still be fun. Moreover, our addicted mind would have us convinced that not only could drugs and alcohol be fun again, that drugs and alcohol are still the only kind of fun we’re capable of having. Thankfully, sobriety teaches us that just isn’t true. Thus, on the other hand, spontaneity is a necessary tool for recovery for unlearning addiction and relearning healthy fun.

Learning how to have fun again in a healthy way means having to have fun again in a healthy way. To anyone on the outside, having fun doesn’t sound like a forced activity. With a brain which has depleted its ability to produce fun-having chemicals, fun takes a little work. Overcoming the programming caused by addiction and reprogramming the brain is both a job and a journey. When healthy, holistic, spontaneous fun is involved, the job becomes much easier and the journey more enjoyable.

Spontaneity can be seen as a threat to sobriety because of its very nature in the definition. Words and phrases like “sudden inner impulse”, “inclination”, “without premeditation” fill various definitions of spontaneity. Impulsivity and inclinations without premeditation are symptoms of addiction and driving problems which perpetuate the cycle of addiction. Addiction quite literally shuts down the parts of the brain responsible for regulating impulsivity, calculating consequences, and weighing options. Confused on what is right or wrong, the addicted brain almost always chooses the wrong kind of impulsivity in favor of feeding addiction rather than the right kind of impulsivity which might rob an opportunity for intoxication. For precisely this reason, rewiring impulsivity is a critical necessity for a thriving life in recovery.

Spontaneity In Park City, The Last House Staff Adventures

Spontaneity is part of the natural flow of life and allows us to flourish in the possibilities of living in the present moment, free from the bondage of the past. Osho, the Indian mystic and philosophical leader said of spontaneity, “To be spontaneous means not to act out of the past, because out of the past is all cunningness, cleverness, calculation, arithmetic.” Living in fear of spontaneity in sobriety means giving all control to fear of an addicted past and all of the ways addiction was cunning, baffled us and rendered us powerless. In sobriety, as Osho describes, to be spontaneous is to live in a way which directly opposes these forces of the past. Matt Fidlow, The Last House Alumni and currently serving as the Admissions and Outreach Coordinator, couldn’t agree more. “Don’t let the past determine who you are,” Matt has developed as part of his sobriety philosophy, “Let the past determine who you become.”

While on a recent trip to the Wilderness Therapy Symposium in Park City Utah, Matt and The Last House Director of Admissions Chris Kirby found themselves in the middle of a rather spontaneous Saturday as the symposium slowed down. Bubbling fun ideas over with industry peers, our staff settled on fun activities at the Park City Mountain Resort including an Alpine Coaster and the Alpine Sled, two gravity-fed adventures.

Surrounded by the lush green beauty that is the ski-slope carved mountains of Park City in the summer, our team had a blast experiencing child-like wonder at the hands of sheer physics. On the Alpine Coaster, they were taken up a steep incline surrounded by Alpine Forest and peeking mountain views. Once at the top, the track curved, swerved, and cut downwards through throttling turns, stomach-lurching dips, and endless encompassing by greenery. Though Chris’s injury couldn’t allow him on the Alpine Sled, Matt took advantage of the opportunity. A chairlift up the mountainside offered stunning panoramic views of Park City Mountain Resort and the entirety of Park City, Deer Valley, and beyond. After dragging a “bobsled” down a beautiful winding forest path, Matt settled on the “Dynamite Express” track and went bolting down the twists and turns of the track. Along with their industry peers, Chris and Matt shared good laughs, took in the splendors of nature, listened to some killer live rock music, and engaged in good old spontaneous fun.

“Spending time in nature and having fun with people in the community of recovery is good for the soul,” Chris Kirby reflected. “So much of sobriety is about connection and there’s no better way to get connected than to have fun in the outdoors.”

Having fun within a community of like-minded, like-recovering, peers is part of what recovery is all about. Recovery should never be a punishment for addiction. Sobriety should never be lived like a sentencing because addiction is not a guilty conviction. In recovery, we have a second chance at life, an opportunity to discover what living is really all about, and a nothing less than miraculous gift of being able to live well and thrive well.

Offering men’s sober living in the Los Angeles area, The Last House strives to provide a safe, fun, program-oriented setting. Men in our program find their purpose and passion by progressing through their recovery in one of the world’s largest recovery communities supported by their peers and an experienced staff. For information on availability and our program, call us today: 1-866-677-0090.

Substance Abuse during Divorce

Substance abuse during divorce is unfortunately a common and unhealthy way of coping with the devastation and stress that divorce can cause. Often times, substance abuse or addiction will push marriages to end. Some substance abuse and addiction is triggered just by the divorce alone.

Divorce is identified as one of the most stressful life events that someone can go through. If one of the spouses doesn’t have many coping skills to begin with, divorce can push them into a downward spiral of abusing drugs and alcohol. In fact, studies show that divorced individuals are more likely to drink alcohol than married couples. Many times individuals will turn to alcohol, porn or excessive partying to cope with the distress of divorce. Addiction and substance abuse is not just limited to drugs and alcohol. Individuals can also turn to things like food, nicotine, and sex.

Substance abuse and addiction doesn’t help or benefit anyone and can have immense negative consequences on the divorce process. In truth, substance abuse and addiction will most often worsen the impact of divorce, such as a loss in custody over children. Addiction and substance abuse can lead to more fights and will inhibit healthy communication. This can lead to additional legal consequences.

If you are in the process of getting in a divorce, it is important get support from your loved ones and from professionals. Lawyers can help individuals decide what is best for themselves and their family and can assist in making really difficult decisions surrounding custody, finances or communication.

It can be very intimidating and stressful to work through a divorce with someone who is addicted or abusing substances to cope. Being aware of when a spouse is under the influence is important so that an individual can set healthy boundaries. For example, if a spouse has been drinking it is best not to speak with them until they are in a clearer head space and sober.

Divorce and addiction can go hand in hand. Either one can come before the other and lead to the latter. Although it may mask the devastation, addiction and substance worsens the divorce process in the long run.