mike-w

When I came to The Last House, I was a coward.  I was incapable of looking at myself or critiquing myself in a meaningful way.  My ego was through the roof and I didn’t really take to heart any advice or feedback that was given to me.  I would pretend to listen just to get people off my back and then to myself thing that it was bullshit. I lived in my own world and truly believed that I was the smartest person in any room I walked into.  My heart was filled with hate and I was just resentful at the world as a whole. I blamed everyone except myself for all my problems. I was so self-absorbed I could not care less about the harm I was causing my family.  I remember when my dad finally wouldn’t put up with my shit anymore and he kicked me out of the house last year. He gave me $300 and told me to never come back and not to call. I happily took the money and headed straight to Baltimore to get crack and heroine.  The only thing that was ever on my mind was the next hit. I then spend the next month or two homeless, wandering the streets of Baltimore with no hope. That experience thoroughly broke me and gave me the gift of desperation that I needed to get better. I was a hundred pounds, soaking wet and could barely form a sentence, but I was ready to get my life back on track.  Going through The Last House this past year has given me hope. For the past decade I thought I was destined to die, sad and alone, with no accomplishments worth mentioning. This house has given me confidence that I can achieve anything and it’s given me the balls to go after my dreams. I lived in constant fear before I got here, always worried about letting people down or not living up to my own expectations.  I’ve learned not to dwell on my mistakes and I have made a few since I have been here.  The one thing I have gained that I am the most grateful for after going through this house is freedom. My mind is no longer consumed with getting high or finding money to get high. I don’t dwell on my past or the wreckage I’ve caused. I can only think about what I can do today to give me and my family a better future. Overall, I am just happy. I work a job I hate 45 hours a week in a state that I despise and yet I am happy still. The house has taught me to appreciate what I have, which has been essential for me in sobriety.