Posts in category: Success Stories

When I came into the last house, I was a shell of a human being. Even at three months sober I showed signs I would describe as feral and selfish tendencies. I came in, believing the world centered around me from the trauma. I experienced grandiose thinking and expectations I had of how the world should be. I came into the house terminally unique, vindictive and with a victim mentality. They were walls built up over the decades and a mask that I wore is heavy as iron. I did not see myself as worthy of a real life to which it took over three months of delusional thinking for a shift to begin. There was no white light experience, but rather a trial by fire. Slowly but surely I began to see life as a sober man was possible, and not just by abstaining from getting loaded. A thing that I never even considered, emotional sobriety. I began to embrace the concept of gratitude for what was in my life which were no longer material. As mentioned this was not an overnight procedure. Many times my thinking was challenged. Slowly but surely I began to show that I could be responsible. It was shown to me that it was no longer about me, but that I could help those around me. I noticed that it felt better to help then search out selfish actions. The world did not change, simply my views of it did  Glimpses of hope began to spring through each difficulty that was overcame. Life wasn’t happening to me, it was happening for me. The more I let go and let God everything became clear and my fears slowly subsided. A newfound confidence emerged with a moral compass that was no longer pointing to my wants emerged. Lastly, a feeling and belief I had long ago forgotten, hope.  I do not regret my past for it led me here. I have a newfound freedom in life, and for that I will always be grateful.

Before coming to the last house, I had no idea what it meant to maintain long-term sobriety. I was driven by the guilt and shame of my past, and the crippling anxiety that I would not be able to accomplish anything in my future. I had isolated myself from everything, and had no idea what the solution looked like. The Last House gave me something to believe in and slowly but surely my outlook began to change.  It taught me the importance of routine and what it actually took to have a good work ethic. The program helped me channel all of my energy to actually set and accomplish long-term goals. The entire process humbled me and brought me back to reality. I was shown how to participate in AA, how to be grateful for the little things, and what it meant to truly care for others. Last House gave me community and the right frame of mind to figure out what I want my life to look like and what is this going to take to achieve my goals.

It’s hard to express in words how grateful I am for the Last House.  I mean, how do you describe how it feels to have your life saved, and your feelings toward those who saved you? In all likelihood, it’s probably something that only people who share similar experiences can understand. But I am certain that at the Last House, anyone struggling with addiction will have their best chance of experiencing what that feels like.

Before I entered the Last House in July 2021, I was completely broken, mired in the tail end of a multi-year downward spiral. Over the previous months, I had lost my high-paying dream job, lost my girlfriend, burned bridges with friends and family, and blew a small fortune on drugs, alcohol, and their accompanying activities. I had been homeless for a couple of weeks, staying at seedy motels and crashing at friend’s couches until they invariably kicked me out for stealing. My family wouldn’t talk to me.

In those days I often repeated to myself the Samuel Johnson quote, “He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.” What the quote leaves out, however, is that the pain of being a beast is infinitely greater than that of being a man. I wouldn’t say that I was human. I existed, but for the sole purpose of using. You could say that I was tired, lonely, hurting, scared, but the truth is I wasn’t, I didn’t even have the emotional vacancy for those feelings. Using was the only thing in my universe.

As my money and options dwindled, I was given a choice. Go the Last House or be homeless. Not being a particularly tough or street-savvy man, I decided I probably couldn’t manage on the tough streets of LA. But to say I was excited to be at the Last House would be a blatant lie. It seemed like hell. Too strict, too many rules, people telling me bluntly the ways in which I was hurting myself and those around me. Plus, I figured I was better than everyone around me. I had a master’s degree from Johns Hopkins and was only recently making well over a 100k working for the U.S. government in defense. What the fuck could this place tell me, I figured. I was, as I would later come to learn, blinded by both ego and insecurity, twin pillars upholding an emotional structure that told me I was not good enough.

But then, somehow, the miracle happened. The Last House began to click. In the structure, in the accountability, in the work, are lessons, key lessons. What does it mean to be a man, to be a man of integrity, to be able to show up for not just yourself but for your loved ones and community? What does it mean to meet your obligations, to rest your head at night on your pillow knowing that you tried your best to handle yourself the right way? What is it like to be honest, both with others and yourself? How does it feel to support others, and to be supported? To give, and not take? These were questions I had often wrestled with, but was never able to find an answer to, when I was using.

But at the Last House, these questions are not only asked of you, but answered, should you choose to do the work. And the reward is spiritual freedom, and so much more. While at the Last House I made a new family, learned how to conduct myself with dignity, learned how to love myself, and be there for others – things I had always wanted for myself but never had. Things that I am so grateful for today.

And, yes, eventually the material things did return as well. I now live in a fancy apartment again making lots of money. But truly, those things, while nice, are not what is important. The values, lessons, and relationships I formed while at the Last House, that is what is important.

So, to you newcomers of the Last House, hold on, stay a while. It will not always be easy, nothing important ever is, especially not getting sober. However, I can assure you that if you put your head down, and do the necessary work, the life waiting for you on the other side is beyond belief.

I entered The Last House at 26 years of age a broken man with no hope and in complete desperation. History of drug and alcohol abuse extends back 10 years. Considering myself a victim of circumstance and unable to take ownership and accountability of my reprehensible behavior and actions.  Having contemplated death and faced an existential crisis, I had to accept the helping hand or I was doomed. My first step in my long journey was total surrender and acceptance. Beaten into a state of submission by a cunning and deceptive disease, the path of least resistance is what I hoped to have. Ultimately I was going to walk through my fears and resentment and unforgiving habits, so trying times were inevitable. For this, to work I had to delve deep and break away from all I thought I knew. A change was in order and I had to face the challenges to grow. The constructive nature has allowed me to learn valuable lessons of accountability and responsibility in every aspect of life. I am forever indebted and grateful for this program giving me a life I never thought I could live.

A majority of 2020, I spent my time in jail-Banning, CA. The looming thought that prison would be my fate. Which I thought was well deserved. Feeling alone and angry, enveloped in self hatred. The hurt I caused others, the years wasted chasing a facade. I did not care what happened to me anymore! I had been given every chance to change and like clockwork I always walked down that same path, the familiar one. On Christmas Day, I almost got in a fight with a guard which would have sealed my fate in the Penitentiary, the other inmates were cheering me on and something came over me, I swallowed my pride and sat down, not caring what they thought of me. Merry Christmas! That night I got on my knees, prayer wasn’t something unfamiliar to me but something I had forgotten. “Why would God answer my prayers?” I didn’t care who saw, I just prayed for forgiveness and one last opportunity to change my life! Please! I am emotional writing this because I was in so much pain in that cell! Once again, a loving God gifted me mercy and there was a shift in my case allowing me to seek treatment. Not just any treatment, they wanted high structure and supervision since I had AWOL’d so many times in past treatments. My mom, who has since passed, got on the phone and called everywhere trying to find the right place that would take me and would comply with the court’s strict stipulations. She gave me a list of a few she thought would work.

At the top of that list was The Last House. I loved the name and I called them and talked to Matt. No need to call anyone else, this place felt right to me. In February 2021, when I came to Last House I was so grateful to have this opportunity and I was ready to do anything! I knew one thing, I was going to graduate! I had too. Coming in with that surrender and commitment was my greatest asset. I put my head down for a while and at about 3 months in, I started seeing the value here, my walls started coming down and my mind started to open. The comfortability of what I knew and felt in control of had always outweighed walking through the fear of what was on the other side of the door, the truth. “Maybe I don’t know shit.” 40 treatment centers and I don’t know shit. If I kept picking apart imperfect systems and imperfect people and using that to justify my anger and resentment I knew surely I would fail again. The same man will drink again. My need for control, selfish pride, grandiosity and playing the puppet master had done nothing but keep me sick and delusional.

This program, along with the steps, gifted me the discernment of truth vs delusion and when I am confused I have people to call on. What a beautiful thing. I have sound peace of mind today and when I don’t I’m not berating myself and burying my emotions like I used to. I feel that shit, I observe them, so I don’t act impulsively on them. I learned I cannot understand something unless I consistently practice it and just intellectually acknowledging a spiritual principle is just that, acknowledging it. I focus on what I can control: myself and how I treat others. What a blessing this has all been. Once I satisfied my sentence I decided to stay here, to work here and be a light for others. I want to give back what was given to me and hopefully impact others how I was impacted. Thank you to my family for all your support, the brotherhood I found in The Last House and thank you Mom for finding this place before you left me. Your final gift to me before death was life.

When I first entered The Last House, I was broken, physically and mentally. My attitude
was that my life would never get better, yet also, that the world owed me something. I thought
that society was going to be miserable, and I hated giving up any control. My behaviors were
that of a three-year-old wanting his way. I was attention-seeking, anxious, and extremely
manipulative to my family and friends. As I went through the house, though, the people here
simply would not put up with any of my antics. They called me out and over several groups,
broke my ego until I surrendered. It’s hard to say where exactly the change occurred, but
suffice to say, today I am a confident, independent, young man who treats my family and
friends with respect and loves sobriety more than anything. I am still working on standing still,
though, AA is an integral part of my life and my outlook today is insanely hopeful for the future.

Oh man, where do I begin. My behaviors have changed to where I am more patient,
compassionate, and understanding. My outlook changed from feeling like a prisoner the first
few months, to realizing I had an opportunity to work on myself and rebuild myself for a better
life ahead with sobriety and emotional stability. I was struggling with a lot of anger and
irritation and did not know how to express it or cope with it. Emotional regulation was a big
thing for me, and I feel like I have made great strides in that are with the help of the house and
Thrive Treatment. After I worked through my resentment with my parents and how I arrived at
The Last House, my attitude and outlook changed drastically for the better. I didn’t think that I
needed this level of treatment and thought maybe I would have stayed sober at another sober
living that was not structured, but I do know that going to The Last House helped me to rebuild
myself from the ground up and also uncovered some character defects that I am now aware of
and can work on in therapy. I may not have uncovered these things and really dug deep if I was
not at The Last House. So, in closing, I am extremely grateful for The Last House and all of the
staff that helped me through this transformation.

Since being at The Last House, my behaviors have changed a lot. I used to sit in a dark room for days on end – making music, treating family and friends and women with no respect. I was never able to keep a job. Lastly, staying off drugs and alcohol since being in the house, I have learned how to become a clean, responsible man; that shows up for work, pays bills on time, and keeps good relationships. I used to steal, lie, and cheat. Thanks to AA and The Last House program which taught me that I do not have to do those things anymore. I still sometimes struggle with my outlook on life, but I do have very many things to be grateful for that I would never have if it was not for this house. Now I must apply the things I have learned here into real life. I went from sleeping on a cold, apartment floor while high, to now having a great life that I never thought I could have.