All posts by : Clayton

Recovery, let alone sobriety, can be quite the tricky topic to navigate.  Setting aside all the drastic life changes that will need to be made, figuring out how one can go about making these changes to get clean and sober is a whole other beast.  It won’t only be tough for the individual who will be trading in his life for a new one, it is challenging for all the loved ones involved; family, partners, friends.  All parties invested in this process ultimately want the same goal – for the individual to be happy, safe, self-sufficient, and truly free from the enslavement that drugs and alcohol bound over our loved ones for far too long.  But you may be asking yourself, “Where do I even start?  Is therapy the right answer?  What about a rehabilitation treatment center?  Will a 12-step program do the trick?”  These are all valid and vital questions that anyone entering recovery needs to be asking.  However, more important than the question, is the answer….

I can safely say, from my experience, that the one and only question that one needs to be asking is, what direction will provide myself (or whoever is losing their battle with addiction) the best chance for success.  When I say success. I’m not referring to business or their career, but success in life measured through happiness, healthy relationships, fulfilling work, and long-term sobriety.  My family and I are just like you and yours.  We really had no idea what to do.  In truth the only thing we knew for sure is that we could not sit back and do nothing.  My addition ran my life and was rapidly burning my life into the ground, and those closest to me were soon to be casualties that would be engulfed in the flames.  

Slightly backing up – a little background on me.  I grew up in Palos Verdes Estates – the southernmost part of Los Angeles County.  I was the oldest of two children – an 8-year gap separated my brother and I.  Up through high school, I excelled in my studies – achieving a 4.0 GPA, I played two varsity sports – baseball and soccer (one of which I captained) and was a member of the honor jazz band.  Ultimately, these things led me to getting accepted into a 4-year university – Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.  I don’t mention things these to pump my ego or boast, rather to show that one can have a lot of things going for them – and IT WILL NOT MATTER.  I had my fair share of “run-ins” during high school once I began partying socially during freshman year.  Well, truthfully – it started off as social, but rapidly progressed into daily alcohol and drug use.  I smoked weed, drank, popped all types of pain killers, benzos, barbs, snorted coke, etc.…which ultimately led to a couple arrests, couple suspensions and the list goes on and on.  Things only continued to get worse – in college the drug and alcohol use only progressed as did the consequences: DUI, kicked out of campus dorms, court-ordered community service, employment terminations and on and on.  My life was reduced to nothing.  I felt nothing – outside of never-ending pain, suffering, and bouts of depression that would only be temporarily alleviated by getting loaded.  Sure, I graduated college with my diploma, but I couldn’t support myself in the slightest.  Something had to give – and it sure wasn’t going to be drugs and booze….at least not yet.  I had met with therapists through the years, taken classes for DUI, but had never attended rehab or sober living and all that comes with it.  Hence, I had never experienced recovery.  This downward spiral continued on for a few more years.

Ultimately, at 25 years old with nothing to show for his life – I had reached that point, that breaking point, ‘the bottom’ that the A.A. rooms always talk about – I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  It was time for a change.  I finally asked for help, but where does one even start.  My family and I did like any directionless family might do – we turned to good old Google.  Flooded with an exceedingly high number of detoxes, rehabs, and sober livings, to say we felt overwhelmed would be an understatement.  After numerous phone calls and hours of “picture surfing” online, my family and I settled on a rehab center in West Los Angeles.  The treatment center served its purpose.  It provided me with a snapshot of what a life without drugs and alcohol would look like.  More importantly, it separated me from the lifestyle; the drugs and alcohol, the poor company I kept, and the places that I hung out.  Having been removed from those elements I was able to gain a better sense of clarity for what I needed to do.  Before entering rehab, I had the preconceived notion I would simply return to work after finishing my 30-day treatment as if my life was cured and fixed for good in just one short month.  Let me tell you — that could not have been further from the truth.  I wanted to be clean and sober.  I needed to be clean and sober.  I wanted a better life for myself.  I wanted to be able to suit up and show up for my friends and family.  Yet, if I would have elected to return to my life so soon without developing the necessary skills and resources required, it would have surely ended in disaster.  This is when I made the best decision of my life and chose to enter sober living, specifically The Last House. 

Since I was not familiar with the recovery community, whatsoever, I had never heard of The Last House until I was in treatment.  A friend of mine I made while in rehab was planning on going to The Last House upon completion of his time there.  He, along with a few others in the sober community, told me tales of rigorous structure.  I felt scared, I felt intimidated, I felt like I didn’t need to attend such a program since this was a first go-around at sobriety.  However, for that exact reason, was why I needed to go to The Last House!  I needed to go to a place that would challenge me and force me to transform into the man I always knew I could be.  Of course, it would not be easy.  In fact, it would be quite the opposite.  It would take a lot of effort and energy to see the change I wanted in my life.  But what was I to do?  I wasn’t going on a vacation.  I wasn’t going to appease some external person.  First and foremost, I was going to continue my clean and sober lifestyle, but equally important – I was going to learn how to live a mature life filled with integrity and character.  

I clearly remember my first night in the house like it was only yesterday.  The entire car ride from rehab to The Last House, my body was tense and riddled with anxiety.  The worst expectations of what was to come were racing through my head.  What I was feeling emotionally could be likened to the feeling of sitting in the back of a cop car being driven to the station after committing a crime.  However, what my deceiving mind told me and what I was to experience over the next year were total opposites.  I was finally in a safe environment.  Sure, it was also structured, but most importantly, it was safe, which really alleviated the worries my parents had experienced for ten years running.  They could finally sleep soundly at night.  

Through this journey, the person I was and the way I was living was challenged every single day.  I was pushed to be the best version of myself; to finally after 25 years of living – become a loving son, helpful brother, and caring friend.  I was pushed to grow up and mature into the man I wanted and needed to be. Was the entire time I spent at The Last House easy?  Of course not, but was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!  So, what all did The Last House do for me.  There is not enough space in this letter for me to rave about all of the benefits and positives I learned, but I can give a brief snapshot.  First off, I gained the basic, yet vital skills needed to lead a successful life.  I became punctual, thorough, honest, and accountable.  I can suit up and show up whenever I am called upon whether it be for my family or friends or for work.  I was introduced to A.A and therapy and now work a strong 12-step program daily to address my addiction and alcoholism along with heightening my emotional and mental sobriety.  I gained life-long friends whom I am still in regular contact with to this day.  Whatever twist and turn life may throw may I way – I am now able to navigate without having the need to turn to drugs and alcohol.

Upon graduating from The Last House.  I worked as a manger there for nearly two years before working as a manger over at Thrive Treatment for another two years.  Currently, I run the Supplies and Fulfillment team for a diagnostic laboratory here in Austin, Tx.  I met an incredible women in the rooms of A.A. and we are currently engaged and set to marry in March.  She has 4 years clean and sober while I eclipsed 5. Our entire apartment is clean and organized and the bills are all paid for mind you. I have a fantastic relationship with my entire family – mom, dad, and brother (who I have finally begun mentoring – which unfortunately was 26 years to late – but better late than never).  I have been able to travel both inside and out of the United States visiting numerous states in countries over these past 5 years.  I attend meetings regularly, sponsor other men in the program, and have gone through my steps a few times (currently on step 3).  At the end of the day, I am happy, self-sufficient, and ultimately alive!  My life is continuing to grow and expand, and I am fully looking forward to the future as I have some big dreams for my life – as you should as well!  None of this would have been possible without the support and guidance provided to me from The Last House. 

Before the LH, I was broken. To be specific, I was 20 years old, living at home with my parents
after failing out of college and I was abusing drugs constantly. I was smoking weed and using
psychedelics and cocaine constantly to be specific. I was in an abusive relationship with a girl who I
used drugs with and was always fighting with my parents about both my drug use and my lack of
motivation to move out. I was not in school and only maintained to keep a low paying job in order to
afford my substances. Physically, I was overweight, my lungs were compromised, and I was
constantly fatigued. Emotionally, I was constantly anxious, horribly depressed, suicidal, and
ruminated constantly on nearly every aspect of life, fearing leaving my room. I did not want to kill
myself, I just wanted to die and only the constant use of cocaine and LSD helped stem that feeling a
tiny bit.

When I first got in the Last House, I was extremely anxious and worried about how it would help me. I
resisted the structure at first as so many do and even tried to et my parents to get me to leave. I did
not want to make friends and hated the fact that life had brought me here. Through groups, feedback
from the guys here, and the Last House’s insistence that I work the 12 steps and attend meetings, I
slowly began to see the changes come to myself. Physically I lost weight and got in shape (the gym
there is amazing), my lungs got better, and I got a nice LA tan. Emotionally, especially through work
in the steps and IOP, I began to love life. I wanted to make something of myself and be independent
from my parents. I rekindled relationships with my family and friends and regained their trust. The
Last House structure puts a huge emphasis on honest and that changed me to have more integrity
that I’d ever have. With the support of my fellow guys there, I sought out good jobs that enabled me to
become financially independent. When times were tough, the staff and other residents were ALWAYS
there to support me in any way I needed. I do not have enough good things to say about the house,
other than it saved my life. Simply put, it took in a broken, sad, and troubled young cocaine addict,
and after a year of work from the house and I, shot out a happy, healthy, ambitious young man.
My life is not perfect now, as no one’s is, however overall, it is a stark contrast to anything from three
years ago. I live close to the house in LA in an apartment I pay for, with two other sober people who I
get along with and have open communication with. More than anything I have really been able to
manage my responsibilities very well. I have two good paying jobs, a group of friends who I love both
sober and norms, I keep my space clean and exercise regularly. With the experience in the house, I
was able to establish structure for my life and it keeps me both busy and satisfied. I still attend
meetings regularly and with my proximity to the house, I am able to sponsor guys there and the staff
is still supportive of me even though I am not a resident. I am currently 23 years old and nearly 3
years sober and have a fantastic relationship with my family which is one of the greatest gifts of all.

Thank you for reading, Leo Levy

When I came into the last house, I was a shell of a human being. Even at three months sober I showed signs I would describe as feral and selfish tendencies. I came in, believing the world centered around me from the trauma. I experienced grandiose thinking and expectations I had of how the world should be. I came into the house terminally unique, vindictive and with a victim mentality. They were walls built up over the decades and a mask that I wore is heavy as iron. I did not see myself as worthy of a real life to which it took over three months of delusional thinking for a shift to begin. There was no white light experience, but rather a trial by fire. Slowly but surely I began to see life as a sober man was possible, and not just by abstaining from getting loaded. A thing that I never even considered, emotional sobriety. I began to embrace the concept of gratitude for what was in my life which were no longer material. As mentioned this was not an overnight procedure. Many times my thinking was challenged. Slowly but surely I began to show that I could be responsible. It was shown to me that it was no longer about me, but that I could help those around me. I noticed that it felt better to help then search out selfish actions. The world did not change, simply my views of it did  Glimpses of hope began to spring through each difficulty that was overcame. Life wasn’t happening to me, it was happening for me. The more I let go and let God everything became clear and my fears slowly subsided. A newfound confidence emerged with a moral compass that was no longer pointing to my wants emerged. Lastly, a feeling and belief I had long ago forgotten, hope.  I do not regret my past for it led me here. I have a newfound freedom in life, and for that I will always be grateful.

Before coming to the last house, I had no idea what it meant to maintain long-term sobriety. I was driven by the guilt and shame of my past, and the crippling anxiety that I would not be able to accomplish anything in my future. I had isolated myself from everything, and had no idea what the solution looked like. The Last House gave me something to believe in and slowly but surely my outlook began to change.  It taught me the importance of routine and what it actually took to have a good work ethic. The program helped me channel all of my energy to actually set and accomplish long-term goals. The entire process humbled me and brought me back to reality. I was shown how to participate in AA, how to be grateful for the little things, and what it meant to truly care for others. Last House gave me community and the right frame of mind to figure out what I want my life to look like and what is this going to take to achieve my goals.

It’s hard to express in words how grateful I am for the Last House.  I mean, how do you describe how it feels to have your life saved, and your feelings toward those who saved you? In all likelihood, it’s probably something that only people who share similar experiences can understand. But I am certain that at the Last House, anyone struggling with addiction will have their best chance of experiencing what that feels like.

Before I entered the Last House in July 2021, I was completely broken, mired in the tail end of a multi-year downward spiral. Over the previous months, I had lost my high-paying dream job, lost my girlfriend, burned bridges with friends and family, and blew a small fortune on drugs, alcohol, and their accompanying activities. I had been homeless for a couple of weeks, staying at seedy motels and crashing at friend’s couches until they invariably kicked me out for stealing. My family wouldn’t talk to me.

In those days I often repeated to myself the Samuel Johnson quote, “He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.” What the quote leaves out, however, is that the pain of being a beast is infinitely greater than that of being a man. I wouldn’t say that I was human. I existed, but for the sole purpose of using. You could say that I was tired, lonely, hurting, scared, but the truth is I wasn’t, I didn’t even have the emotional vacancy for those feelings. Using was the only thing in my universe.

As my money and options dwindled, I was given a choice. Go the Last House or be homeless. Not being a particularly tough or street-savvy man, I decided I probably couldn’t manage on the tough streets of LA. But to say I was excited to be at the Last House would be a blatant lie. It seemed like hell. Too strict, too many rules, people telling me bluntly the ways in which I was hurting myself and those around me. Plus, I figured I was better than everyone around me. I had a master’s degree from Johns Hopkins and was only recently making well over a 100k working for the U.S. government in defense. What the fuck could this place tell me, I figured. I was, as I would later come to learn, blinded by both ego and insecurity, twin pillars upholding an emotional structure that told me I was not good enough.

But then, somehow, the miracle happened. The Last House began to click. In the structure, in the accountability, in the work, are lessons, key lessons. What does it mean to be a man, to be a man of integrity, to be able to show up for not just yourself but for your loved ones and community? What does it mean to meet your obligations, to rest your head at night on your pillow knowing that you tried your best to handle yourself the right way? What is it like to be honest, both with others and yourself? How does it feel to support others, and to be supported? To give, and not take? These were questions I had often wrestled with, but was never able to find an answer to, when I was using.

But at the Last House, these questions are not only asked of you, but answered, should you choose to do the work. And the reward is spiritual freedom, and so much more. While at the Last House I made a new family, learned how to conduct myself with dignity, learned how to love myself, and be there for others – things I had always wanted for myself but never had. Things that I am so grateful for today.

And, yes, eventually the material things did return as well. I now live in a fancy apartment again making lots of money. But truly, those things, while nice, are not what is important. The values, lessons, and relationships I formed while at the Last House, that is what is important.

So, to you newcomers of the Last House, hold on, stay a while. It will not always be easy, nothing important ever is, especially not getting sober. However, I can assure you that if you put your head down, and do the necessary work, the life waiting for you on the other side is beyond belief.