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What are personal Boundaries?

Boundaries determine acceptable behavior. Safety cannot exist without boundaries. Imagine driving without any traffics rules, signs or lights! Boundaries simply exist to keep ourselves protected from harm. Personal boundaries work the same way. They are the emotional, physical and mental parameters we set for ourselves. Love and healthy relationships cannot exist without the enforcement of personal boundaries because they protect ourselves from disrespect, exploitation, manipulation, and violation.  

There are many types of personal boundaries. Material boundaries govern whether and how much we give to others, such as money, items, etc. Physical boundaries relate to personal space and how close we let others get to us. Mental boundaries concern our values, opinions and thoughts. Emotional boundaries separate your own emotions from others. Sexual boundaries reinforce your level of comfort with sexual touch and experience. Spiritual boundaries apply to your beliefs and experiences with a higher power. Internal boundaries relate to your relationship with yourself.

Why are they important?

Setting personal boundaries is our way of establishing and communicating self respect, self esteem and self worth. Personal boundaries create individuality and keep us safe from external factors. Healthy personal boundaries are important because they allow you to take care of yourself and not let others define who you are.  

Can you have too many or too little personal boundaries?

Personal boundaries come in three groups: rigid, porous and healthy. Rigid boundaries refer to too many boundaries. Meaning you don’t let others get close to you at all and avoid intimacy. Porous boundaries include too loose of boundaries. For example, sharing too much with others too quickly or tolerating someone crossing your own boundaries. Healthy boundaries are shown in sharing an appropriate amount of info, respecting other’s boundaries, and valuing your own opinion, and not compromising your own boundaries.

How do you know they are being crossed?

Boundaries can be both easy and difficult to detect. For example, someone who doesn’t have many personal boundaries themselves will most likely not be able to detect when they’ve crossed other’s boundaries. The first step in becoming aware of boundary crossing is to become more self aware. Asking yourself questions like the following can be helpful in gaining self awareness: Do I feel angry at certain people? Does something feel off when I am around someone in particular? Do I often times feel overwhelmed and burdened by others needs? Writing down lists and your expectations of others can help as well.

Why do boundaries get crossed?

Often times people who lack self awareness tend to be unware of their own boundaries and therefore lack the awareness of other’s boundaries. People who have grown up in households with few boundaries often grow up to have issues with boundaries. Some people cross boundaries to take advantage and manipulate others.

Boundaries are crossed because they can be both confusing and conflicting. Sometimes boundaries are not clear all the time and also vary from culture to culture. Additionally, personal boundaries are often not reinforced enough in childhood and teach children that their own boundaries are not important. For example, parents will pressure their children into hugging a relative that they don’t feel comfortable with. This reinforces the idea that their boundaries are not important and that it is okay for others to do things to them they don’t like and to ignore your own boundaries. Furthermore, because we are all unique and imperfect, boundaries are bound to get crossed from time to time. It’s impossible to know other people’s boundaries all the time and to never cross any. For example, when meeting someone for the first time, you don’t list off all your boundaries right away. Boundaries are learned over time and are usually enforced when they have been crossed. The important thing is that we listen to our own and other’s boundaries and do not habitually or intentionally cross or ignore them.

How do you set them?

Your tone is very important when setting boundaries. The most effective way to set boundaries is with a calm, clear and assertive tone. You can also communicate the clear consequences. More

 importantly knowing your own boundaries is the first step in setting them. Developing self awareness is key. Second, it is imperative that you understand you have a right to your boundaries. Third, let go of how others may react. We cannot control how others react to our boundaries. If someone does not want to respect them or does not care for you because of them, then they may not be a safe person to have in your life. Finally, practice setting boundaries. Role playing with someone can be helpful. The more you set boundaries the easier it will get.

Anxiety Disorder and Substance Abuse is more common then you would expect.  Experiencing anxiety in life is inevitable. But it’s not all bad. Anxiety is a survival skill. In fact, anxiety played an important role in ancient humans. Thousands of years ago, when Homo Sapiens inhabited the earth, anxiety was used when taking action during immediate danger and problems. For example, a lion may appear in the plains and anxiety would be used to run and find safety.

Today, anxiety is still used as a tool. It can help motivate you to accomplish your assignments, to work hard, and to be cautious in various environments.

However, anxiety and anxiety disorder are different things. Anxiety disorder involves excessive worrying and fears that are intense, may last for long periods of time, and is impairing to areas of life.

Although there are different types of anxiety disorders with specific symptoms, they all have these same general symptoms, which include panic, fear or uneasiness, sleeping difficulties, difficulty staying still, cold, sweaty and numb extremities, trouble breathing, heart murmurs, stomach discomfort, muscle tension and dizziness.

There isn’t one initial cause for anxiety disorder. In reality, it’s more of a combination of biological dispositions/ genetic makeup and trauma/ environmental stress.

The five major types of anxiety disorders include generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and social phobia. Although these mental illnesses are similar and all fall under the anxiety disorder umbrella, they do have differences in treatments and symptoms.

Although anxiety disorder can affect anyone, women and non-Hispanic whites are more likely to experience this mental illness.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the U.S. but less than 43% actually seek treatment. There are many reasons as to why people with anxiety disorder do not seek treatment. For example, mental health stigma can contribute to not seeking treatment out of shame or embarrassment. Another reason being that many people with anxiety disorder may lack insight, awareness or the tools to seek treatment.  People with anxiety disorder and substance abuse need to seek treatment.

It’s not uncommon for those with substance abuse problems to also suffer from one or more psychiatric disorders, like anxiety disorder. Many studies show that those diagnosed with either substance abuse or anxiety disorder are at an increased risk for developing the other. Both illnesses work together to exacerbate the illnesses symptoms.

Fortunately, anxiety disorder and substance abuse is treatable with psychotherapy, medication, mindfulness and overall health!

I’ve personally struggled with anxiety disorder and substance abuse since before I can remember. It wasn’t until I began treatment for an eating disorder ten years ago, that I realized how long I had been struggling and how I didn’t see it because it was my norm. This made me realize how possible it is for those with anxiety disorder to go their whole lives without seeking treatment, even if they experience impairments.

It was terrifying seeking treatment for many reasons. For one, I was young and not many people my age around me were openly struggling with addiction and mental illness. Two, my family and the culture I grew up in reinforced a mental health stigma, making it shameful for me to be vulnerable and ask for help. Three, treatment is expensive. By the time I was nineteen, I was working three jobs to help pay for individual therapy, eating disorder anonymous meetings, nutritionists, group therapy, etc. Although, I had barriers to recovery, I did have enough support and privilege to keep me going.

Along my recovery I was diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Once I began taking medication, educating myself more on these illnesses, exercising, while still going to various forms of therapy, I felt my recovery reached a new level of redemption.

I still struggle and still have anxiety disorder symptoms and still have eating disorder tendencies, but my recovery is the most important thing to me and being on this path feels so much more cathartic and meaningful than being imprisoned by unhealthy habits.

Thrive Treatments Intensive Outpatient programs can make it possible for you to succeed, no matter what barriers may be present. They have a strong emphasis on affordable recovery because everyone deserves to recover and to receive the upmost care. At Thrive, staff work to empower individuals to become their own recovery advocates and give you the tools necessary build a successful and personalized road to recovery.  We treat those struggling with anxiety disorder and substance abuse.  The Last House offers a safe and stable environment for those struggling with addiction to get clean and sober.

A Place for Mindfulness
by Claire Godden

When you eat your lunch, are you also on your phone scrolling through the news or social media? Do

you even remember what you eat each day? The simple practice of slowing down, savoring every bite and being aware of the taste, smell, and texture of our food, is a small and easy step toward becoming more mindful.

But what is the point of being mindful? Well, first, let’s look at the definition:

Mindfulness is defined as the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something while accepting, without judgment, whatever thoughts, sensations, and emotions arise

Examples of mindfulness techniques

To begin with, we can look at the example above. When you sit down to eat any meal or snack, put your phone away, turn off the TV, or take the meal outside of your office and away from your desk to somewhere quieter. Before you eat anything, take note of why you are eating. Are you really hungry or are you eating because you’re bored or trying to take your mind off of something else? Maybe you have to eat now as it’s your only chance, time-wise, to do so. As you begin to eat, notice the food’s color, smell, taste, and texture. Chew each bite fully before taking the next. Think about where the food came from and how it was made. Think about whether or not it is good for you. If you begin to think about the grocery shopping you need to do tomorrow, acknowledge the thought and then bring your focus back to the food and the present moment. As you get more practiced, you will not need to always move somewhere quiet and you will even be able to eat mindfully while at social gatherings.

So why should we bother?

The benefits of mindfulness are many and include improvements in mental and physical health and in overall well being. Also, as you practice mindfulness, you will begin to truly acknowledge the present and, in doing so, develop a sense of calm and control over your life. The best part is, it is not complicated and it doesn’t require a lot of time. It just requires a commitment to practice it daily to see the benefits.

How does this fit with addiction?

One of our clients graduated today and said at our community group meeting that part of his recovery was learning to not only appreciate, but also be ok with, the present moment. He spoke of how, before treatment, he tried to avoid and deny negative and uncomfortable feelings. Now, he says he is able to accept and face the not-so-positive feelings and sensations when they arise. Recovery requires honesty and doesn’t allow for running away from anything. It requires the ability to respond in a less reactive way to things that you don’t like. In this aspect, mindfulness is a wonderful tool and one that can be used for life.

Being completely conscious of what we are feeling in the present moment might not be calming at all at first and can be incredibly uncomfortable and disconcerting for some. With practice, however, mindfulness can bring us a sense of control over our emotions, our thoughts, and the sensations within our body. Bringing our focus to only the present means we are not avoiding anything but are, instead, fully able to address things. Mindfulness is honest and real.

As you become more practiced at being not only aware of but also comfortable in your present moment, you can find yourself more able to deal with cravings and the uncomfortable thoughts that accompany them. Instead of automatically reaching for your drug of choice, you can feel more armed and ready to address the sensations and thoughts that lead you to the drug use. Skillful and intentional responses can replace automatic and previously learned reactions.
To explore this further, you may want to look at Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention (MBRP). MBRP is a relatively new treatment modeled on the already well-established Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. The difference is that MBRP focuses on negative emotions and cravings and on a person’s reactions and impulsive behavior. Mindfulness, remember, is the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. MBRP helps the person have more confidence and strength when facing feelings of self-judgment and negativity. If you would like to read further, Carolyn Gregoire has written a very interesting and informative article on MBRP.

Dealing with negative thoughts

By practicing mindfulness regularly with something simple like eating your lunch or taking a shower, you can hone your concentration skills. As you get better at being calm and focused while performing these everyday tasks, you will be ready to practice mindfulness at other times, such as when things around you are more chaotic or negative. As you tune in to your inner thoughts, negative feelings, such as shame or guilt around your addiction, may arise. You don’t need to fight off unwanted thoughts or sensations but, instead, acknowledge them honestly in the here and now. Ask yourself if the content of the negative thought is really true. Question where it is coming from and try to replace it with something more positive. A good therapist can really help you in this area if you are having difficulty.

Anyone can do it!

Life is busy. Of course, we cannot spend our whole day in a state of intense concentration and acknowledgment. But that is precisely why we benefit so much from the minutes that we do spend being mindful. Mindfulness is a relaxed state where you will focus on current, inner thoughts and physical sensations completely free of self-judgment. You do not have to be wearing yoga pants and sitting cross-legged to practice mindfulness! Although, if you can spend 30 minutes each day being mindful in peace and quiet on a yoga mat, even better! Mindful minutes can be taken on a five-minute walk outside of the office. A few minutes spent practicing mindfulness in your car before you head home from work can provide a healthy transition between work and home. Even taking a few minutes before bed to sit and focus only on how you feel in the present, not your day at work, not tomorrow, but how you feel right now, can do wonders for your mental, emotional, and physical health.